The Invitation

In relation to my previous blogpost. Here's someone whose words actually make sense.
One of my favorite poems that I recently fell in love with again.


The Invitation 
by Opriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. 

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, 
for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us
to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul;
if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,
and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, 
weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself 
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Sembreak

It's been awhile.

I wanted to find the right way to get back to you -- something with a bang, I thought, something that'll melt your heart, something that'll WOW you, something special -- and in trying to do that, I ended up with nothing. Every time I thought I had found the right thing to write about, something epic, I always think that it might just not be good enough and so I let it go and keep waiting for the RIGHT one.

As you can see from my lack of posts, I haven't found it.

I always attributed it to my lack of time, to my endless to-do lists, to my busyness, to whatever I thought were important distractions, and that if something were truly special enough, it'll transcend those distractions, make itself felt, enough so, that I won't have any excuse to let it go -- I will have to sit myself down and translate it into writing.

Patiently Waiting. That's what I liked to call it. And I've been doing it for so long that I realized I no longer know what I'm waiting for, if I ever did know to begin with.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's sembreak, I finally have the time to sit still and think, something I've been craving for since the whirlwind of YL6 took hold of my life on the first week of class. I have never truly appreciated the beauty importance of being able to stop just listen to myself.

I can't promise to be epic, to wow you, to be special, because I no longer know what that truly means -- it can mean being crazily spontaneous all the time for some people; or make calm, calculated decisions for others; or to focus on the important tangible aspirations of a few; or to lose yourself in the abstract world of your thoughts. But I will be me, that'll just have to do.

Words. funny how they can say something but mean something truly different for every reader, even nonsense to others (what I probably sound like right now). haha

zombies and humanity

I have this strange fascination, several actually, but particularly stranger than the rest of my other random shizms (I make up words too apparently).

I absolutely love zombies.
You know, the walking dead, living dead, rising dead; those slow-moving, human-eating,  apocalyptic creatures that only truly die if a specific part of their brain (specifically medulla?) is destroyed.

For someone who is a total scaredy-cat (I can't go to the bathroom alone in the middle of the night), and the mere fact that I'm a girly-girl, I have often found myself having to justify this fascination, not just to curious friends but to myself as well -- what motivates me to download ~50GB of zombie movies, occasionally plop down to collect and read zombie fiction, and look for good-enough zombie games (it stops there, I do not collect zombie paraphernalia thank you very much!).

And I find that what interests me the most about these literally disgusting creatures, is the humanity associated with them. I am particularly interested with how the humans (not just the lead characters BTW) deal with the zombie apocalyptic situation -- it has all the ingredients for a good reflection; philosophy, theology, stupidity, romance, reality and absurdity(?). Coincidentally, these are the ingredients to make some of the most interesting conversations I've ever had. Most of them with my sister, who shares most of my time and my interests, and with a few friends who don't find it corny, boring or dumb to just sit and talk for hours on end.

Let me share specifics to make more sense (but not too much or else I'll have nothing else to talk about when I talk to you!). At the start of an outbreak, its interesting to see how preoccupied humanity is with their own lives that they aren't able to recognize the obvious threat immediately until it is too late to control it. Zombie movies often have individual characters find each other to form a larger group that the story would revolve around -- and these groups are little reflections of human society. It's through these characters that you see human behavior. It's interesting to see the writers' different takes on what we would do, if such a situation would happen. The struggle to continue living a "human life", more than just surviving enough to repopulate the planet, interests me. Especially when thrown in with the idea that the "safe zone" that they were all working towards, their source of hope and reason to keep on going, is actually already infiltrated with zombies -- what then? will humanity lose hope? turn to god? or kill themselves? And ofcourse, the classic decision to kill your lover/sister/father/daughter if you find out that he/she had been bitten and had hidden it from the group which leads to the bigger issue of outweighing the needs/worth of one member of the group with that of the larger group. In the end, someone survives through it all, the hopelessness that comes with the option of "choosing to go in my own way" never prevails, and that gives me hope (and thus, my feel-good-less-stress feeling after every zombie movie).

So, zombies = humanity for me. haha Sure, I can love the gore, the blood, the violence too -- which is one of the biggest criteria for most "top zombie movies" bloggers. But zombies can be so much more! :)

BTW, this little post was inspired by the start of Walking Dead's Season 2 (check it out!) and the discovery of a new Zombie friend NOT because I'm procrastinating.

best friends come in twos

I couldn't quite decide which picture to put up for your birthday,

So I looked for the ones that hold the most meaning to me.

Real Bear Hugs are hard to find nowadays.

Thank you for defining true friend to me 

- even if it means years of dysfunctional 

fights/talks/phone calls/parties/dances/dreams/travel/etc.

thank you for being family to me.

 Come home soon!

But soar! Be the person that you were meant to be -- wherever that may be!

It breaks my heart that we are all so far from each other,

but I love reminding you guys that I'm always right here for you. Always.

to forever being the crazy ones.

Here's to another year Mr. Andrew Gerard Dacay! 

They say bestfriends are rare and hard to find -- lucky for me I guess that I found two of mine in the halls of my kindergarten classroom. It's been ages since then, we've both grown up and have gone through every aspect of friendship imaginable and you've shown me just what it means to be a true friend -- to be there despite the dark era, depite the long distance, despite the secrets we share, despite the crazy things life throws at us.

There's just so much to say but its never enough. So let me just say, Happy Birthday! 

and hope our umpth-level of friendship speaks the volumes that I want to say.

Enough Words

I got a lil annoyed opening my blog to see too much words. haha

So here's an artwork I made during a study session using markers/highlighters on a post-it.

I tried to find the right quote to go with it but when you SEEK out the right words, 

you won't find them.

So let it just reflect my confused mind right now -- and my desire to STOP over thinking.

Gastro-Intestinal module na yo! :))

Study Break Musings

On the way home from another Starbucks study session awhile ago, me and my sister passed by a woman sitting by herself at the bottom of the steps of robinsons galleria. She's staring at this piece of paper in her hand and you can see the weight of the world on her shoulders.

My sister, who noticed her first, said "I want to ask her what's wrong."
I was silent. Taken aback by her caring tone for the stranger by the steps.
"That reminds us that other people have much bigger problems than us."
I stayed silent, pensive of the issues that were stirring in my head -- from cramming for my exam, absence of a love and social life, hungry and sleepy thoughts -- the usual young adult drama.
She continues "I wish someday when I get older, I can help random people -- be rich enough to help other, because I think most of the world's problems can be solved with money or with the creative use of money."


By this time, I finally spoke up because this was something I'd thought about for awhile now.
Instead of typing our conversation, let me share my thoughts here instead:

My sister was absolutely right -- not just the money part, but the part about helping random people. As someone who often finds herself in the middle of 'situations', I hear alot of different people's problems and issues. Sometimes the heaviness of such a task makes me loose my belief in people's goodness -- because most of the time someone's secrets are somebody else's heartache-waiting-to-happen. Sometimes the cruel realities of how someone else's actions affect somebody else breaks my heart knowing theres not enough words of advice or empathy to truly make them feel better. And so on and so forth.


But Janet's words brought back one of my musings when I was younger. Its the idea that the answer to someone's problems is in somebody else's hands. The simplest example would be monetary problems, the lack of one means the excess of another, and bridging the gap -- or making them meet each other and aware of both their situations is the key to helping each other.


When I was younger, I played with so many ideas in how to create that bridge -- how to close that gap. How to introduce strangers to each other so that they can help each other. To a child, it didnt seem very difficult, if I remember correctly, the idea of universal lists (then search the list for what you need), hotlines they can call, etc etc, was so obvious that I didn't understand why people wouldn't just do it! As I got older of course, I started to embody the idea of 'independence', and other people's problems were becoming more and more well, OTHER PEOPLE's problems.


Janet's random statement however pulled me back to that time. And my current addiction to social networking sites, blogging, tumblr, stumbleupon -- basically the internet; made me realize now more than ever is the time that the idea can be applied. The world has become smaller (we can all connect to each other through the net), people become more vocal (alot of us randomly share our thoughts, problems, successes, frustrations, etc over the net), that its virtually impossible not to be aware of our social interrelatedness.


Ultimately, I have an exam to cram for, so I offer no concrete solution YET, but I just wanted to share a site that I stumbled upon that serves the purpose I had thought of. Inspiration Tree is a site that provide random words of inspiration and encouragement for anyone that needs it. Sure, its not money, but sometimes the biggest problems can be solved by the right words from a different perspective - because you are able to see your problem in a different light.


Its 4am and Im not sure if im making any sense anymore, so let me just share MY personal inspiration find from that site that totally changed my outlook for the day:

The Pursuit of Happiness: 15 Lessons to Keep in Mind

1. The only person that can ever truly make you happy is yourself. Stop depending on everyone else.

2. People lie, stuff happens. Don’t take it too personally.

3. Want people to think you’re amazing? Start believing you are, and then they will too.

4. Smiling is the ultimate anti-depressant. Smile and laugh out loud, it doesn’t look stupid, I promise.

5. The world is never just black and white, right or wrong, one way or another. 

Try and see things from as many points of view as possible.

6. "Let everything happen to you 

Beauty and terror 

Just keep going

No feeling is final" 

— Rainer Maria Rilke

7. Have empathy.

8. Gossip, problems of the past, events you cannot control, negative thoughts and negative people; 

time spent on these is time poorly wasted.

9. When you're jealous or find yourself filled with hate for someone/something, stop. 

The only person its hurting is you.

10. Although the newest, most expensive material things may make you feel as if you’re a better person, 

they won’t hold you at night or listen to you when you need it. Make sure your priorities make sense.

11. Step outside your comfort zone- it’s when you’ll really feel alive.

12. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, the people who really matter, don’t mind

13. Let your emotions out sometimes, humans have them for a reason.

14. Celebrate the things you have. Think only positively of the things you don’t 

(but would like to have) and they too will come.

15. Love unconditionally ♥.

Sundays are Music Days 11

Let me share my musical promiscuity on Sundays. Sundays are music days.
When I was younger, I loved being right all the time.When I got older -- more realistic, more cynical, more aware of the harsh realities of the world --being right meant getting hurt in some way or another.
Nobody really sets out to do things to hurt other people (atleast I hope so)but the thing is, people still do get hurt.Mostly because we are people, and as such capable of feelings that we cant seem to control.
I didnt want to be a downer for this post,but this is supposed to be a real lifestyle blog,so I can't help but reflect my life into it right?And I can't help it if im compiling it at 3 in the morning --when your mind is not at its right place and thus you think more with your emotions than with your mind. (which i normally disagree with btw!)
Anyways, lets get on with the music.Let them speak for me instead.And let me assure you dear reader, (and future joanie), this is just a bump in the road,it gets better. it always does. :)

What are these lists? Concept (and first list) is explained here.
My previous sunday lists: 2 , 3 , 4, 5,  6. 7, 8, 9, 10
Same rules, no judgments, no genre, no limits, just music I tune the world out to. :)



1. This song is such a raw song. When I heard it, it made me both smile and cozy. Later on it broke my heart, but at the same time it made me fall in love -- its like a crazy song when you think about it. haha But it has this awesome feel to it. The video isn't bad either, it translate the weirdness but beauty of the song. It's such a rainy weather song too -- which is what's been happening lately. Thunderstorms suck! :("One moment I have you; the next you are gone."Crave You by Flight Facilities

2. When I hear this song, I feel like something was realized, something was concluded, something was resolved.I always thought it was good to be right smack in the middle because it meant I wouldn't have to pick a side, I wouldn't have to be a part of the drama. What happens instead is that you are thrust into it, because you are made aware of all the secrets that they all keep -- the key to someone's happiness means someone else's heart breaking. I love the ciello at the start though, its the perfect contemplative start."I'm sick of all the insincere, so I'm gonna give all my secrets away."Secrets by One Republic

3. I couldn't find a youtube video of this song. :( But thats how badly I wanted to add it to this song list that I looked for an audio track of it online. Let's hope it works, because I assure you its a worth it song to listen to.Honestly, there really is nothing that you CAN'T get over -- but it'll take a little patience and a little help."..maybe one day we'll look back and think 'That was a crazy few days'."Stay Strong by Steve Appleton Click Here for the song

4. I did not look for this song, but it was an instant upper. It gets you moving and thinking at the same time. hahaWhen I study, I tend to dance too haha -- don't be surprised! Try it, it'll wake you up and instant exercise!BTW I don't like original version of this song, just LMFAO's remix for Party Rock Album."I don't need the heartbreak."Release Me by Agnes (feat LMFAO)

5. A friend chose this song for one of our dances for an upcoming performance and when I first hear it, it was love-at-first-play! I love the feel of this song, its uber romantic (and thats not something i often say!)It makes you want to believe in the kind of love that you believed in when you were younger -- the type that has no thinking involved; the type we all hope for. :)Perfect ending to this sunday's playlist -- because its hopeful, not sad and depressing as I had started.If there's anything that I got from all this, it's to believe in love, the kind that isn't hassle or hurtful, the kind that'll make you smile, the kind that your friends and family will appreciate, the kind that doesn't involve getting anyone hurt, the kind that brings out the best in all people involved. Don't settle for anything less. Everyone deserves to be happy."I believe in fairytales and serendipitous encounters.""Leave your fear of love behind. Let your dreaming be your guide."Dreamer by Elizaveta

I apologize if my song list is a little heavy on the words this week.
Med does something to you, it forces you to deal with emotions in a one-time-big-time manner
to make way for academics and other 'more important' issues.
So my release is this list and my music.
Toodleloo, have to go back to studying now.

Enjoy
XOXO,
Joanie

Sundays are Music Days 10

Let me share my musical promiscuity on Sundays. 

Sundays are music days.

This week was hell-ish. The most rollercoaster of emotions since school started -- and with no specific cause.Hormones? Excitement? Too much thinking?Either way, I made it through the week without a scratch and...Today is my birthday.
It sucks that I had to spend it studying or out BUT worrying about studying;but being blessed with the most amazing people -- my guardian angels,i felt super loved on my day.Thank you.
But with that said, life goes on. haha I still have an exam tomorrow that I have to cram for.I have to take advantage of the fighting spirit while its still there,so I will leave you with Beatles music for this sunday.
Because, the Beatles ALWAYS knows the right things to say. <3

What are these lists? Concept (and first list) is explained here.
My previous sunday lists: 2 , 3 , 4, 5,  6. 7, 8, 9
Same rules, no judgments, no genre, no limits, just music I tune the world out to. :)

1. This sums up my day. After a gruesome and tiring week, the sun is finally coming out. Apt too because a storm was supposed to hit today.Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles

2. This is the cutest song I have ever heard -- okay its probably not. But this makes me feel giddy. I think its the thought of belonging to someone and having the guts to say it. It's also from Across the Universe, an awesome movie!Hold me Tight by the Beatles (from Across the Universe)

3. I would have to say, its friends that keep me together through everything. Early in the year I had thought I would be losing my support system. Little did I know I had gained so much more. :)With a Little Help from my friends by the Beatles

4. Okay, THIS is the cutest song I've ever heard. haha And the video -- awww the video. I wanna BOWL!!!! NOW NA! haha And i want someone to look at me the same way Jim Sturgess is looking at the start of the video. :)I love this song. Absolutely. And this is my favorite scene from the movie.I've Just Seen a Face by the Beatles performed in Across the Universe

5. LASTLY, MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE song from the Beatles.I Want to Hold Your Hand by the Beatles

Enjoy!
I apologize that its made in haste, but i assure you 
-- these songs are VERY close to my heart.
You never go wrong with the Beatles!


XOXO,
Joanie