Manifestation of Inspiration

I've been spending (nay, wasting, considering I have 70+ pages of reading pathology books to do...) my time going from blog after blog after blog as I deliberate just what to put in this little site of mine.

And in my little adventure, I found all kinds of people -- from dear dear friends to complete strangers; from self-proclaimed artists to structured architects; from socialite fashionistas to anonymous wannabes; from quirky shoe makers, to depressed comic inker, to deep performers, to innovative layouters, to blind photographers, to innocent students, and to interesting potheads. All of them living their lives and sharing it with the world through their blogs.

Its amazing.

To try to grab some kind of insight from all this "time-wasting", I reflected on what they all have in common. Apart from living some kind of interesting life, they were ALL inspired. Different manifestations of their inspiration, but all of them inspired by some form of something/someone to do something. It got me on my feet, to share my own life to the world, that meant having something to show. So I took a cue from the blogs I went through,I tried taking fashion shots (because what girl doesnt believe she has a right to say she's got style), started drawing again, cutting my own hair (yes, there are actual hair blogs), brainstorming ideas with friends, designing, looking for pictures and videos of old performances -- anything BUT being a med student.

Suddenly I was living life. I wasn't just sitting down, pretending to listen to a boring lecture while playing tetris, or downing cups of coffee to stay up for another all-nighter, or forcing 30 pages of physiology/anatomy/pathology into my brain even when the words all start to sound alike... I was suddenly part of the population that was doing something right now -- the prime of their lives, when they aren't too young to not be taken seriously or too old to not know how to have fun.

All this adrenaline rush from exploring old and new things I used to and learned to be passionate about brought out a creeping feeling, that maybe just maybe the medical profession isn't for me. Two years (and millions of pesos, and lots of heavy med books, and emotional investment later) into med school, this kind of thinking meant treading on dangerous waters. But for so many factors (including a beautiful article on the loss you gain from med school by a batchmate), I treaded anyways.

But after all that, after everything I tried, after my passions were rekindled, after the revelation of the amazing and endless world of possibilities of a new joanie out there, I still wanted to be a doctor. I really do.

Even after the threat of losing my weekends to zombie 2nd year med, the reality of barely-passing grades, the momentary loss of a few medschool support systems (momentary because change isnt just loss, but new possibilities), the boringness of Robbins (my new bestfriend/pathology book btw), I still want to be a doctor.

And I realized, I contributed to the world that way. No, not contribute LATER when I become a doctor, right now.

When I live my seemingly mundane life to becoming a doctor,

when i choose to study to become the best clinician I can be,

when I throw myself into extracurricular activities to instill the social catalyst in me,

when I take on unnecessary responsibilities to develop the dynamic leader I should be,

and most importantly when I waste my time on other peoples lives/blogs, continue to draw /perform /cut my bangs/style myself /blog, to remain grounded to the reality of being a person - the core of a good doctor.

I am contributing.

So these are the manifestations of my inspiration.

“Doctors are often accused of callousness, venality and self-infatuation.

But they remind us that they have sacrificed the springtime of their lives,

completely lost the previous years between their 20’s and 30’s

acquiring skills to benefit their fellow men.”

- Erich Seagal, 'Doctors'

BTW, if you are wondering where in the world you can find these people,

I post most of my random inspirations (sites, pics, music, whatever floats my boat) in my tumbleblog.